Meditative Tuesday

"And once the storm is over, 
you won't remember how
you made it through,
How you managed to survive,
You won't even be sure,
whether the storm is really over.
But one thing is for certain.
When you come out of the storm,
you won't be the same person who walked in.
That's what this storm is all about."

This too shall pass.

I've had so many highs and lows in my life. It still amazes me how I was able to walk through them unscathed.  Exhausting, though. I feel like a boxer sometimes, receiving blows, one after the other. 

I was talking to an old friend about my past recently and she had no idea. She told me she had a different perspective of me. That my life to her seemed perfect. 

I have always kept everything in, the entire time. Please don't get me wrong, it was never meant to mislead people. I grew up revealing my struggles only to a few. I suppose I have learned to suffer in silence most of my life.  If I were to describe it, I have always relied on my family for support and God as my ultimate therapist and companion.

I remember when my father passed away, I was broken in pieces. Yet, I chose to continue and push forward. Life went on. I went to my classes like nothing happened. I submitted my projects on time and after my evening classes, I went straight to the funeral and stayed there all night. I was early for class the next morning. None of my classmates knew what was going on. Sometimes, it's easier to be productive than deal with the pain by putting them into words. 

Slowly as I grew up, I've learned to verbalize and share my concerns with others, but I still worry of being seen as a downer and being an inconvenience by involving them with my troubles.  However, trust that if I ever do share, it means I am already at the end of my rope. 

This too shall pass.

This short line is so powerful, don't you think?
Life is ever changing.
No struggle is permanent.
Our scars make us beautiful.

Love & light,

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  1. <3 in high school everyone thought i was the happiest person. truthfully i was dealing with my mom's mental illness and it was one of the hardest times for me. She eventually left me before prom and high school graduation (she went to Korea to seek "answers" and my dad was already in Korea as he was relocated for work reasons) and I have never felt so alone. My closest girlfriends didn't even know but one of them found out and they all came to visit me. Even then I didn't really cry and put on a brave face and they all remarked how they had no clue. Years later when I got older I no longer had a poker face and I learned to talk about things that were difficult and hard. But I learned that some people misinterpreted or began to lecture or say things that made me feel worse. Now I have a close group of people who I go to.. I learned that it's a wonderful thing to have trusted confidants.. <3

    1. Thank you for sharing this tough part of your life. I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you to be away from them during your teenage years. You're right, something very important is to be surrounded by authentic and supportive people dear to us who we can trust and who truly want the best for us.

  2. People who really care about you will never think it an inconvenience when you confide in them. I really hope you will open up more because it's so hard to keep everything in.

    1. I totally agree. I am glad I found a circle of friends here too that I can trust. That has been one of the challenges moving. Luckily, the online world makes it easier to connect to friends no matter where they are geographically.