Discovering Arni: Blogger Link Up

I am happy to participate once again in the Expat Blogger Link-up called The Expat Experience hosted by Molly @ The Move to America. For this week's theme, we are to write about an unexpected challenge that we faced. Join in the fun by clicking here and share your thoughts.

The biggest challenge for me was {drum roll}

Acclimatizing to the complex work environment of a multi-national company in a new country.

I was hired from my home country and was then previously working as an interior designer. At that time I had no experience in Interior Design Sales. Due to my design background I was hired and was flown in.

New in town, with no friends, no business contacts and with absolutely no idea how business relationships are conducted in this rapidly progressing country, I found myself learning the ropes one step at a time.

There was pressure because I was in a six-month probation. My performance was based on closing project deals within 6 months.

Source

The toughest for me was adjusting to the diverse culture in the office. Throw in different individuals with different personalities in one office that are doomed to clash everyday. Throwing fits along the hallways seemed unavoidable.

In reality, I am an introvert, sensitive, emotional and not very confrontational who prefers and have always been used to a harmonious working environment back in my home country. Imagine my surprise when I receive an immediate comment from my superiors on my first day saying, " I don't think you can make it in this business. You look weak."

Hmm.. that made me think real hard. Alone in a foreign country with people saying I can't make it. I cried. Believe me, a lot! Most days, it was my family back home who gave me strength as well as my goal to succeed. I have come this far, I can't give up.

Thinking back, this was my process in finally overcoming this challenge:

Prayer. I prayed a lot for strength and guidance.
Communication with family gave me courage to move forward reminding me what I came here for.
Good random acts of kindness and good karma find their way back to you. I found mentors in the company who taught me, as well as like-minded people with similar values who believe in team work. I gave help without expecting anything in return and gave credit to those due. Somehow in the process, I gained their trust and this helped me win projects and form long term harmonious relationships within and outside the organization despite our cultural differences.
Accepting criticism I took them in and found ways to improve myself. Sadly, to the point where I had to re-invent myself to fit the job from the way I communicate to everything, but it did work 100%. I had to pretend to be 'aggressive' and appear 'in control' in front of the mirror at first until I slowly absorbed it and became that character.
Flexibility and Open mindedness I had to accept there are certain things I cannot change. Like a colleague's or a client's personality for instance. :) I had to adjust and see how I can win this person instead.
Take it easy. Years down the line, that experience will just be another conversation laughing topic (so true) so I guess I should just enjoy the ride and not get too caught up with all the drama.

The whole challenge took me about 2-3 years to overcome. It wasn't a walk in the park and it didn't happen overnight. I failed. I made mistakes. I cried. I learned.

Good friends and a healthy support system do help a lot too, but that was also another challenge because in such a transient city like Dubai, it is difficult to find long lasting friendships. It took me years to find them though. Sad to say they still come and go because we all never know how long we all plan to stay.

Hope this post helps those who are going through the same challenges.

Love & light,

Arni

Better late than never. I wanted to seize the chance of completing the final part of the Expat Blogger Link-up called The Expat Experience hosted by Molly @ The Move to America. For the final theme, "The Everyday Experience," we are to write about what we really enjoy or cherish about living abroad. Join in the fun by clicking here and feel free to share some love.

In almost eleven years of being an expat in Dubai, the entire experience has been ever-changing and never constant. It pretty much sums up the environment as well, since this dynamic and young city always evolves.

Driving, for instance. Leave the country for a short break of about a week or two and upon your return, you'll find yourself completely surprised that the road you usually take has changed. A new interchange has opened to replace an old roundabout and names of highways and roads have been replaced. Sometimes, residential developments and towers pop up like mushrooms unnoticed and it often makes me think, "When did that happen?"

Dubai in 2010, Imagine what it's like now.

The environment somehow mirrors my personal life too. The way I viewed Dubai during my first job here was completely different from the way I see Dubai when I moved to another company.

There were lifestyle changes and little did I know, it was changing me. As I adapted with the melting pot of different cultures, I see different facets of myself. Some parts of myself that I didn't like and some parts that I am proud of. Little by little, I am finding the courage to stay true to who I really am in this rapidly changing city.

Weekend Brunch

Things I love about everyday life in Dubai:

The weekend brunches. The above picture paints a thousand words.
It is sunny all year round. The buildings and villas always look new because it never rains. You can be fashionable and wear stylish and expensive shoes without worrying they'll get ruined. There's valet almost everywhere too.
It is tax-free. There are exceptions to this of course like parking tickets, housing fees and toll fees but they're indirect. No need to calculate taxes on your pay check or grocery bills.
A large array of cuisine, whatever you fancy that are available on speed dial.
The shopping festivals.
Feeling of safety and security. People here have great respect for the law, so it's a very secure environment. There was a time when I can leave my wallet on a table inside a food court. Come back after 30 minutes and it's still there. I have misplaced my valuables many times and I always get them back.
Easy access to beautiful beach.

Jabal Yibr : On the highest mountain in the UAE

Tips to make the most of everyday life in a new place.

Explore the outdoors and neighboring cities during the weekends. My first year in Dubai, I kept weekends busy visiting sites and discovering new landscapes until we ran out of places to see. These road trips are not only entertaining but also educational and can be great conversation starters when meeting new friends.
Join clubs, fitness classes or hobby groups. Easiest way to meet like-minded people and new friends. I joined some weekend language courses and even a dance class where I met friends outside my usual circle.
Find beauty and love in the most ordinary thing you encounter everyday. I should put this on my bathroom mirror everyday. I get overwhelmed by tasks and stress that I often forget to pause and smell the roses.

Any tips you'd like to add and share?
Wishing you all a lovely weekend.

Love and light,

Arni

This post may be long overdue but I don't want to miss participating in the Expat Blogger Link-up called The Expat Experience hosted by Molly @ The Move to America. For this week's theme "Thoughts of Home," we will share what we missed the most and if we have experienced expat blues. Join in the fun by clicking here and feel free to share some love.

When I first moved to Dubai, you might think it's a ridiculous statement, but in all honesty, I didn't suffer much from homesickness. You might think, "What??"

The thought of homesickness did cross my mind during two rare occasions; once was when I was living alone while physically ill and when I had to work during my first Christmas Eve in the Middle East away from family.

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you might have read that I was ecstatic when the Dubai-bound plane took off. I watched my country shrink from my airplane window with glee. It took me many years before I came back to visit my home country after my first departure. I suppose because...

I have always been a lost soul trying to find where my home is.

Since these are my thoughts of home and it may not necessarily be homesickness-cure related- Sorry (apart from the home-cooked meal cravings), I would like to share a past post in trying to find where that home is.

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Finding Home

The past decade, I spent all my life looking for that perfect feeling of home. This quest motivated me to start traveling. At a tender age of 4 when I grew fascinated by a book that my Mom gave me, the fire in my heart to leave my country burned so bright. Somehow, I felt I didn't belong there. It is a beautiful country to see as a tourist, but at a young age I felt like an alien. I remember looking up at the night sky wondering if before we were born, we were given a choice, maybe there was a mistake. There was something missing. So this search for home and peace, wherever that may be, became a distant goal.

Throughout those trips, I took in their beauty and got acquainted with every place I visited. You might have noticed that, I always write about France because it is a country, where I first felt that feeling of "home". Yes, I'm definitely a Francophile. France is my refuge where I go to, to recharge. If in need of inspiration, there's plenty there. It's even amusing that every time I left France, I always start crying in the train. I'm just weird like that. When I am in Dubai, I listen to french online radio and bask in the beautiful voice of their advertisements, indulge more in french cuisine and watch a lot of french films because they somehow make me happy.

Until recently, I found peace, that goes beyond things or places. I still don't know when I stumbled upon it. I found it right after a really dark period in my life when I finally decided to give up the search. My last trip to France, in September 2012, I was surprised that I didn't cry in the train anymore as I watched the platform disappear.

You might notice that I started writing a lot more about where I temporarily live now. I am happy to be able to see the beauty of what I once saw as a mere sand pit and a massive city of cranes. I suddenly noticed this appreciation for how red the sand is or how the sky can also be blue here (back then they always looked brownish grey all the time).

I'm holding on to this peace that I have found.

Maybe this time, I can make better memories

and finally find closure to a place I'm supposed to call home.

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Lately I have realized, how seeing my home country again after this post, being away made me appreciate it more. Top three things I miss:

Tropical rain
Adventure in the islands
Bonding with my brother and sisters

Being away for far too long, I still sometimes feel like a stranger in my own country.

Yet, I have made peace with the past and renewed my relationship with motherland.

To those who feel like an emotional nomad like me, here are three tips:

Keep searching and you'll discover a lot more about yourself as you do so.
Re-visit the place we are trying to run away from and view it with an open heart.
Let go of the past and forgive. Forgiveness opens doors to a lot of surprising things that await you.

Love & Light,

Arni

I'm happy to take part in a blogger link up called The Expat Experience by The Move to America

My First Moments in Dubai

I arrived in Dubai alone in June 2003. I was a naive, single, twenty something with no international experience. Moving to the Middle East was never a part of my life plan, but the opportunity to work in such a vibrant city for an international company was promising.

An old Dubai photo taken in 2004

Scorching weather. I remember arriving on a hot 39 degree Celsius (102 deg F) Thursday evening. It was humid and hot! Thursdays in Dubai are synonymous to Friday nights for the rest of the world. I was amazed by the number of men on the street that evening.

Hungry looks. What caught my attention was the way expat men, looked at women. They gaped hungrily like they're mentally stripping you off your clothes.

I asked my fashion designer uncle if it was just me imagining it and what was wrong with them otherwise. He merely said, "It's Thursday. It's hunting night." After many years living here, I became immune to such looks.

Conservative norms. I cut my long hair to a chin length bob prior to coming here and chose very conservative business clothes. I was a bit paranoid, but was later relieved to see Dubai much more open than I expected.

Depending on which place you go, wearing a decent outfit is the best way to show a sign of respect for others (and to avoid disapproving looks at the same time).

Being an expressive and naturally "touchy" person who loves to physically touch people innocently- got me into a few misunderstood situations.

A local client closed a deal and thought I was interested in him when I inadvertently touched his arm during a discussion. I wondered why he started offering expensive gifts which I never accepted. Later, I realized, I should keep my hands off all the time and should never accept any of these gifts. For single gals of different nationality, when receiving suitors from the region, avoid accepting gifts. These gifts come with a price and certain expectations.

Luckily for me, I was given a quick orientation by flat mates and co-workers regarding unspoken laws and rules in the country to steer clear from trouble. (I'll share them later below)

Patience is a virtue (The virtue that made me survive and thrive here).

Emiratis make up 9% of the population while 91 % are expats. (See the big difference?) These expats, I being one of them, come from different parts of the world.

Culture clashes are expected not only in the work place but also on the road. Road rage is common and it's a daily habit to get unnerved when someone cuts from the leftmost lane to exit on the right without an indicator. However angry you get, don't ever express this anger with your fingers. (I'll tell you about this later.)

A Road to Independence and blissful freedom

I grew up being pampered with a housekeeper and a nanny who prepared my meals since I was a baby. Thankful for those summers when I had to prepare simple meals at home. The toughest thing was learning to live alone without help. My first few months, I survived on tuna cans and instant noodles.

Grateful for that experience, I eventually learned how to cook, do my own laundry, and independently live and solve my own problems. Living abroad gave me self confidence and courage.

Two men holding hands in public is normal. It's a genuine sign of friendship- purely platonic.

{Drum roll} Without further ado, here are: Do's and Don'ts in Dubai

Avoid public display of affection, especially between opposite genders. Holding hands is okay for married couples. Anything beyond that is a taboo here. Not only will the couple get disapproving looks, some might find this offensive and might file a report to authorities.

For women, scarves and pashmina shawls come in handy. When entering malls or certain places where dress code is observed, pashmina shawls serve as a quick cover up for sleeveless tops. Rule of thumb: cover shoulders and knees keeping everything in appropriate length except at the beach.

Don't ever show the "bad finger" or express offensive language. It is punishable by law equivalent to imprisonment and getting deported.

Drink plenty of water. Dehydration is rampant especially during the summer. To avoid fainting and urinary tract infection, water, water water.

Dancing in public is completely prohibited. It is deemed indecent and provocative. Do it in the confines of your hotel room/ apartment. There are night clubs to go to when you want to dance the night away. Belly dancing by performers in desert safaris is an exception to this, of course. :)

Never take a picture of others without permission. There are fines for this. Local women and families are especially sensitive towards this so be careful.

Alcohol consumption: Zero tolerance for drinking and driving like most countries. A special liquor license is required for carrying alcohol in ones home and vehicle. It is allowed however to be consumed in licensed restaurants, bars located mostly inside hotels. Get a cab or take the metro after a drink.

Smoking. Banned in government, offices, shopping malls and public places . There are designated smoking areas in each place.

Sexual relationship Unless you're married, living together is illegal. The same applies in hotel reservations for unmarried couples. If one gets pregnant out of wedlock in the UAE, the mother and father will face imprisonment.

Bouncing check. (This applies to credit cards and loans that are unpaid because one has to write a check for the application of loans and credit). It is illegal equivalent to a jail sentence and civil charges. One will not be able to leave the country until the amount is paid in full.

Respect for religion. During the holy month of Ramadan, it is forbidden even for expats to eat and drink in public between sunrise and sunset, out of respect. (Pregnant women and infants are exempted though). Never say anything against any religion, it is not tolerated.

Be respectful on social media. It's illegal to tag someone on facebook without their consent. Be careful in posting negative comments about anyone to steer clear of trouble.

Respect the "No Photography" Sign. While out and about, be alert on any no photography signs you might find. It is illegal to take photos of embassies, palaces, military, institutions and government buildings.

The law system is such that any offenders are immediately regarded as "guilty until proven innocent" and this reflects in the way cases are handled.

UAE is a fabulous country. We come here for leisure or employment. Either way the key is to respect its traditions and culture. After almost 11 years here, Dubai has somewhat become my home.

Hope the above information helps.

Love & light,

Arni

{Day 16: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it.}

Bab Al Shams, Dubai, U.A.E.

I'm not getting any younger. I am grateful for being able to freely nosedive into the unknown.

I left a job I didn't like that I have kept for 5 years. I stayed for practical reasons, to pay bills. Family responsibilities as the eldest child of 5 motivated me to persevere. I embraced tasks I didn't like, because it was the sane thing to do.

The company was my comfort zone. I had great bosses whom I learned a lot from, wonderful colleagues that fostered team work and a company whose philosophy and goals I have deep respect for. The problem was, I hated what I did. I didn't have the passion for it. It reached a point, I'd cry every morning on my way to work.There was an absence of fulfillment, a sense of purpose that my former job failed to fill. Each day, I told myself, I'm lucky to have a job, but a big part of me was dying within.

Circumstances aligned that forced me to choose between a temporary job to do what I love, or a permanent job to do what I hate. I quit and pursued the temporary freelance work. Once that was finished, I found myself in a maze.

My biggest problem is: I have absolutely no idea what I want to do and where I want to go from here.

I always seem to find the easiest way out by packing my bags, physically leave, to avoid things. There is always that feeling of not being good enough, whispering through the wind, in whatever I do. I've always used this as a motivator by proving this voice wrong, but lately, since I received my first artwork project rejection that was the first step to all of my future plans, I've lost all faith in everything.

It made me travel back to my roots. I uncovered the past, unearthed what's causing all of this internal turmoil and confronted it. I spent the last few months drifting through the wind, hopeful that life would give me a clue. Here I am, in a place I never expected myself to be. One day, I hope I'd be able to define the subject title of this post and finally answer what it is. For now, I'll continue searching.

Happy Thursday!

Love & light,

Arni