In Search of My Niche in Life

{Day 16: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it.}

Bab Al Shams, Dubai, U.A.E.

I'm not getting any younger. I am grateful for being able to freely nosedive into the unknown.

I left a job I didn't like that I have kept for 5 years. I stayed for practical reasons, to pay bills. Family responsibilities as the eldest child of 5 motivated me to persevere. I embraced tasks I didn't like, because it was the sane thing to do.

The company was my comfort zone. I had great bosses whom I learned a lot from, wonderful colleagues that fostered team work and a company whose philosophy and goals I have deep respect for. The problem was, I hated what I did. I didn't have the passion for it. It reached a point, I'd cry every morning on my way to work.There was an absence of fulfillment, a sense of purpose that my former job failed to fill. Each day, I told myself, I'm lucky to have a job, but a big part of me was dying within.

Circumstances aligned that forced me to choose between a temporary job to do what I love, or a permanent job to do what I hate. I quit and pursued the temporary freelance work. Once that was finished, I found myself in a maze. 

My biggest problem is: I have absolutely no idea what I want to do and where I want to go from here. 

I always seem to find the easiest way out by packing my bags, physically leave, to avoid things. There is always that feeling of not being good enough, whispering through the wind, in whatever I do. I've always used this as a motivator by proving this voice wrong, but lately, since I received my first artwork project rejection that was the first step to all of my future plans, I've lost all faith in everything. 

It made me travel back to my roots. I uncovered the past, unearthed what's causing all of this internal turmoil and confronted it.  I spent the last few months drifting through the wind, hopeful that life would give me a clue.  Here I am, in a place I never expected myself to be. One day, I hope I'd be able to define the subject title of this post and finally answer what it is. For now, I'll continue searching.


Happy Thursday!
Love & light,
Arni


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8 comments

  1. I think I've said this before, but your honesty is so refreshing. You are brave, and it is so wonderful to hear a small part of your journey here. <3

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  2. Hi Arni!

    This is really such a nice post. Sometimes we have to choose between what we love and what we need. You did a right decision to go what your heart says to do so.. I can imagine it wasn't easy but I'm sure you're happy to do so..

    Take care.
    xoxo,Meg of Sweet Gala's

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  3. Embrace where you are. It's not easy but you have an opportunity now to try your hand at lots of things to help you choose exactly what path to take. KEEP THE FAITH! Don't allow rejection to become the voice that guides you. Believe in who you are and what you do and keep searching. Your niche is out there but is waitng for you to arrive, strong in the effort it took to get you there.

    (I'm also at an unfamiliar place in my life and regularly have doubts as to whether I have done the right thing but I am forcing myself to chase the things I want, otherwise I will look back and regret not making the most of this time)

    Great post - so honest. Thanks for sharing

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  4. Great job on leaving a job that made you cry every morning. If it is an consolation, I have no idea what I want to do either. I would love to go to school to be an architect or graphic designer.

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  5. Arni, I thought that moving (physically) would do it for me as well but so far it hasn't. I'm also impatient so I'm tapping my feet, waiting for the 'right' thing to present itself. Taking a deep breath and a good look around does wonders to your outlook. Keep us posted on your journey

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  6. Those decisions can be some of the most difficult, but the journey that results from following your heart is so rewarding...albeit very confusing at times! I truly love my job, but there are aspects of the lifestyle and unknowns that come with it that still make for difficulties. Joy in the journey though!!!

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  7. Hat tip to you for confronting! I tend to avoid rather than to face head on sometimes. Working on improving that at the moment .. :)

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  8. Arni, thank you so much for writing this blog. And hats off to you for having the guts to enter this journey! I did something similar 1.5 years ago - and have learned more in this time than ever before, and met amazing people on the way.
    Good luck to you, and please continue to write throughout your adventures and experiences!

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